Germany has a way of turning your expectations upside down – in the best possible way. Coming from a background influenced by Slavic and Muslim cultures, I’ve experienced a significant shift in my understanding of gender roles and independence.
My mother is Ukrainian, and I’ve lived in Dubai as well as several countries in Central Asia, all of which shaped my early views on a woman’s role in society. In these cultures, the traditional expectation is that a woman’s primary role is to manage the home and raise children, while the man provides for the family. Growing up, I embraced this vision. My teenage dreams were simple: finding a husband who would provide for me and fulfill my desires. Living in Dubai only reinforced this idea, as I often saw women being showered with extravagant gifts from their partners. To me, that seemed like the ultimate dream – isn’t that what every woman should wish for?
But then, I moved to Germany. And little by little, my perspective began to change.
Here, independence is a cornerstone of life – for everyone, including women. It became clear that most women in Germany, especially younger generations, don’t want to rely entirely on their partners financially. Instead, they strive to contribute to the household budget in a way that reflects their own earnings and desires.
In many relationships I’ve observed, there’s a culture of shared responsibility. Some couples split costs equally, others adjust based on their income levels. For instance, one partner might pay for dinner this time, and the other will pay next time. The key is balance and fairness, not rigid expectations.
But it’s not just about sharing finances – it’s also about sharing the household. In Germany, the best partnerships I’ve seen work because both people contribute to domestic tasks. I know couples where men cook dinner regularly, handle the laundry, or clean the house. Coming from a Slavic background, this initially seemed unbelievable – even shocking. Traditionally, these roles are seen as exclusively a woman’s responsibility.
That said, I can already see changes happening in places like Ukraine. Slowly but surely, cultural norms are beginning to shift in a more European direction, where partnerships are built on mutual effort, not rigid roles.
Of course, personal values and traditions still play a role. My Slavic roots occasionally tug at me, and I’ll admit that my German partner still covers most of our restaurant dates and takes on the majority of our vacation expenses. Since I’m currently job hunting, he covers the bulk of our expenses – something I deeply appreciate and plan to reciprocate once I start earning. When we were both students, we didn’t have much money, so splitting costs was natural. Now, our approach is more fluid, adapting to our circumstances and shared goals.
So, if you’re a woman coming to Germany, be prepared for this shift. You’ll likely find yourself reevaluating what independence means to you – not just financially, but emotionally and socially. Germany has taught me that being self-reliant doesn’t mean rejecting support or partnership. It’s about standing on equal footing and building something meaningful together.
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